420 ftw
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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