dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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