yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
