you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
