Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
