You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Operation Purity has been aborted
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
