Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm having to shit out rocks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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