You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
