I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
last night I used snow as a chaser
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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