I wish I could teleport
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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