You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
