No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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