So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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