just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
