That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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