ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Say something about gay babies.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
