I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
