I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im part way to drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
