I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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