He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
