Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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