I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
