So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
