yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
