I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
