i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
