No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
