life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
