kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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