margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
