and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
