come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize