i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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