I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
