My hand turned me down
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
