from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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