I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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