so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
