why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We need to get me chipped asap
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
