So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
