Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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