Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
