it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
