Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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