May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
