chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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