At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
