I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
