i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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