Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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