That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
