So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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