Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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