She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
