So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is wine microwaveable?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk is not a location!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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