How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
from now on my penis is your penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
