You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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