Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
