wat bout pragnant strippers??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
