so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You need Xanax blowdarts
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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