Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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