Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
