i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
