guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
