i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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