i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
