She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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